I'm so fucking centered right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
