His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
