Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
