He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
