The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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