these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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