Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You made out with two different species that night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
