I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
