Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
