ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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