I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
