I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
