for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
