I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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