she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
