im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
