I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
