You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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