can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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