so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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