..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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