dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
