Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
