At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
