I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
