I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
