Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
third nipple confirmed
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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