Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
They took my balls.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
