So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i've created a new STD.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
