Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
