I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
