I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
