i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
