forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
