Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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