You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
