i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
