She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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