Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
