so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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