my sisters under your porch take her home
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
