there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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