What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
