If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
