I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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