I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
