My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
