The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
