I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
