And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
